By Bobby McGowan, Ph.D, Pastoral Institute
Most people feel sad, lonely and blue at times. This is especially true when there has been a significant loss in their life. However, the severity and duration of these symptoms can increase and interfere with enjoying your life. They can occur abruptly after a traumatic event or gradually after weeks or months of extremely stressful living that has exhausted your mind, body and spirit.
Here are some suggestions when you are dealing with depression:
- Schedule regular times in you day to slow down and assess how you are thinking, feeling and acting.
- Look for common signs of depression such as loss of interest in pleasurable activities, sleep or appetite disturbance, difficulty concentrating, a negative view of self or life and increased thoughts of death or even taking your life.
- Seek help. Talk to friends, family and people trained to provide additional help such as pastor, your primary doctor or mental health professionals.
- Follow their recommendations. It is tempting to return to hiding the pain and the same old patterns of living
Treatment for depression can be very effective and the sooner the better. If you are concerned about a loved one or think you may be experiencing symptoms of depression, please seek help.
The Pastoral Institute in Columbus, GA has over 30 mental health professionals who specialize in a variety of areas. We have agreements with over 150 local companies and over 40 churches to provide counseling to their employees and members at little or no cost for the client. For a list of participating organizations, visit www.pilink.org or call (706) 649-6500.
Bobby McGowan, Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist specializing in depression, grief recovery, marital therapy, PTSD, and religious issues at the Pastoral Institute.
Social Media Etiquette for Kids (of all ages)
How to avoid Facebook faux pas, Insta-fails and more!
In a few short years my oldest will turn 13 and be legally old enough to have a Facebook or Twitter account. But there are several rules of etiquette I want him to understand before he joins the social media world. These rules are not meant to spoil his fun, but to help him avoid Facebook faux pas, Insta-fails, and other social pitfalls.
The most important rule to remember is — You have a responsibility to protect your reputation and those of your friends around you. There is a fine line between being yourself online and not making everyone else uncomfortable.
Here are 10 rules for acceptable and unacceptable online behavior.
Rule 1: Think before you share
Social media is not your private diary. Before you hit “post” or “tweet,” ask yourself what value your comment offers and what your motivation might be. Not every moment in your life is worthy of a status update, so don’t “over share.”
Also, consider the potential eyes on your profile. Would you be comfortable if your grandmother read your post? What about a college review board or a potential employer?
Here’s a quick list of what not to share:
- Over the top party pictures
- Stupidly insensitive jokes
- R-rated memes
- Embarrassing pictures of yourself or others
- Relationship drama
- Insults about teachers, classmates, coworkers or managers
- Comments that are cruel and insensitive
- Links to questionable web content
Rule 2: Ask before tagging someone in a photo
Tagging may seem harmless to you, but others can view it as an invasion of privacy. The first time you post a photo of someone, don’t tag her, but send an e-mail or message with a link to the photo. Ask if it is okay for you to post the picture and whether she is comfortable with being tagged in the future. You may think that pic of “Sarah” passed out at a party is funny, but she may think otherwise!
Rule 3: Don’t be offensive
Things that are perfectly OK to say face-to-face, even in front of friends, aren’t necessarily OK online — and vice versa. It’s super easy for your tone to be misunderstood. People can’t see your facial expressions. They can’t hear your tone. All they see are the words you wrote. And if they don’t know you well, they may find your comments offensive rather than funny.
Also, no one is truly anonymous. Everything you post online is traceable. It doesn’t matter whether you delete the message or text. When you post something online, you’re creating a permanent cyber fingerprint. It may come back to haunt you. So be careful what you say.
Rule 4: Take complaints and arguments offline
We understand if you’re upset with a teacher or mad at a friend. Everyone has bad days. Just keep your venting offline. Don’t post negative rants or ugly comments about people on your account, and don’t post them on other people’s accounts!
Remember, words are powerful. So choose your words wisely. If you wouldn’t speak to that person that way face to face, then don’t do it online.
Rule 5: Think before you reply to a negative comment
If someone says something negative about you, the best option is to simply not respond. If you know the person, go offline to clear up the disagreement. If you don’t know the person and feel the need to respond, think twice before you write anything negative.
It’s never a good idea to post something when you’re emotional. Take some time to clear your head (or sober up) before you deal with the situation. Walk away from the keyboard. Compose a reply and get a trusted adult or friend to review it for you. This will help you refrain from saying something that you later regret.
Rule 6: “Unplug” around family and friends
Yes, it’s a normal impulse to stare at a glowing object in your hand. But texting or checking social media while someone is talking to you, is just as rude as if you were to get up and leave them in mid-sentence. Please don’t do it!
When you’re out with other people, unplug and put away your smart phone or tablet. Focus on the people around you. Be respectful and give them the courtesy of your undivided attention.
Rule 7: Ration the “selfies”
We love you and enjoy seeing pics of you, but please don’t flood our timelines with your selfies.
Also, be smart about what pictures go online and what pictures are simply for your own entertainment. Keep them in good taste. If you are doing anything you don’t want your grandmother to see, don’t take the picture.
There are wrong places and wrong times for posting selfies. Don’t post pictures of questionable gags or illegal activities. And for heaven’s sake, DON’T post pictures of yourself at a funeral! It’s beyond rude and tacky!
Rule 8: Don’t kiss and tell
It’s OK to be cute, but there is such a thing as too much information. From the sweet (tweet) nothings to the fights, keep the important stuff offline. It’s like the Internet version of public displays of affection — some people just don’t like it.
If you’re at the end of a relationship, a running commentary about your breakup does nothing to help the situation. Obviously, it’s important not to suppress your emotions, but a private journal or time with a therapist (or trusted adult) is best for that.
Rule 9: #don’t #overuse #hashtags
Using hashtags as a punchline for your jokes is fine. Just don’t misuse or abuse them. Consider the length of your hashtags. Long hashtags are aggravating to read and most people just end up giving up. Plus long series of hashtags are just plain annoying. (See Jimmy Kimmel’s video: #Hashtag)
Rule 10: Exercise the Golden Rule
The Golden Rule simply states, “You must treat others in the same way that you would want to be treated in the same situation.” It doesn’t matter how others behave. Don’t dish out anything that you don’t want to take. You don’t have to be a doormat. Just be considerate, thoughtful, and fair in how you treat others online.
What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
As summer winds down, its time to start thinking about preparing your kids to go back to school. If you start now, you can make the transition easier for your entire family. Here are nine tips to get your family ready for a new school year.
1) Transition into a school schedule. Establish a school-day schedule for homework, TV, baths and bedtime. Starting 7-10 days before before the first day of school, ease your kids into your school schedule by backing up their bedtime 15 minutes each night and consistently waking them earlier. Also, establish a “get ready the night before” policy. Pick out clothes for the next day and set your coffee maker. Once the school year starts, add packing backpacks (and lunch boxes) every evening to your nightly routine. You’ll save precious time in the morning.
2) Organize your family calendar. From sports practice to music lessons, it will be easier on everyone if you work out who needs to be where and at what time. My husband and I use a Google Calendar to sync our activities. But we also keep a extra-large calendar hanging on the wall for our boys. They like to see the stickers that mark the holidays, birthdays, and vacation days.
Now is also the time to visit your school’s website and download a copy of the school calendar. For your convenience, we have compiled a list of local school districts in the Chattahoochee Valley area and their contact information: Click here.
3) Gather your paperwork. Schools require lots of forms. Have the necessary immunization records available for easy reference. Be prepared to update school emergency contact and health information for the upcoming year. Visit your school’s website to view registration information, school supply lists, and more.
4) Arrange transportation. Will your child be riding the bus? Find out the bus route and discuss bus safety rules with your child. Do you drive your children to school? Look into carpool options. Whether it’s an arrangement with your child’s classmate, or even your hubby, carpooling can help you save time and gas money.
5) Confirm after-school care. After-school care can be a challenge, especially if both parents work. Now is the time to confirm any after-school arrangements. Make sure your child knows when and who will pick her up when school lets out and when the after-school program ends.
6) Complete back-to-school shopping. Don’t wait until the last minute for this. Do any clothing shopping you can now. Keep in mind school dress codes while shopping. Will your child be wearing a uniform? Does she need new shoes? Backpack? Lunchbox? Now is the time to stock up on school supplies too. Alabama’s 2013 tax free holiday is August 2-4. Georgia’s 2013 tax free holiday is August 9-10.
7) Set up a place and time for homework. Set up a quiet place for your child to study at home and stock it with school supplies. Make sure the location is well-lit with a good work surface. Also, establish a regular homework time. As you ease your kids into a school routine, have them use this designated time to read a book, play a game, or do a crossword puzzle.
8) Try a practice morning run. Practice your morning routine several days before school starts. If you drive your children to school, use this practice run to find the most efficient route to school and which streets have the least traffic. Last year my boys attended different schools with vastly different drop off and pickup procedures. It took several practice runs, but I figured out that I needed to drop off my youngest child first before school and pick up my oldest child first after school.
9) Calm the “new school” butterflies. It is normal for your child to be anxious about entering a new school or starting the next grade. Here are some tips to help your child become more comfortable:
- Talk about the fun things your child will learn, the old friends he’ll see and the new friends he’ll make.
- Reassure her that other children have these feelings too.
- Call the school and arrange a visit to tour the school and meet the teachers before the first day. Let your child see the classrooms, playground and cafeteria and get a feel for the new school environment.
- If your child has special needs, such as a learning disability or food allergy, work with the new school as far in advance as possible to determine placement and to line up services and support.
- Arrange play dates with friends from school to re-establish connections, or to create new ones.
Dear Non-Stretch Denim Jeans,
I really miss you. Do you remember the days when I could put you on and with a few plie squats we’d be like old pals? Remember that? I do.
Now, when I put on a worn-in pair of jeans, they fit. I mean, they really fit. Skinnily. My legs are encased like sausages and no matter how many squats I perform, these jeans, these awful jeans, just keep going back exactly where they were. And don’t even get me started on the low rise of these lycra-ridden jeans. Seriously, I am sure that no designer working on the jeans in today’s market ever had children. Instead, these carefree childless heathens continue designing pants that seem to cup my mom flub as if mocking my body for its inability to be comfortable in this style.
Now, I am not saying for an instant that I want some “Mom Jeans.” I don’t even want “Not Your Mother’s Jeans.” All I am saying is that I would love to go into Gap or Old Navy, heck, even Target and pick up a pair of jeans that fit like jeans! That stretch over time instead of overcoming gravity and other laws of nature to remain permanently taut over my weary legs.
I have been on the hunt for perfect jeans (that don’t cost a fortune) for about 3 years now. That’s a long time to spend on this one task. Every time I think that I have found the perfect jean online, I go to the store and I try them on. And it’s awful; they are too long, they make me look like a pear, they have weird pockets. The story is always the same. I leave the store dejected and wondering whether that perfect pair of jeans even exists.
The fact that I am getting old and that non-stretch denim is as rare as a unicorn was made so apparent to me over Christmas break last year. I walked into Old Navy and asked the teenage worker if they had jeans that looked like trousers: straight leg, mid-rise, clean cut, regular denim. Her response broke my heart, “Um, those were popular, like, 10 years ago. We haven’t carried them since then.” Ouch!
Still, I continue hunting for the perfect jeans that feel like home, that I never want to wash because I don’t want to mess up the way they fit when I first put them on. But, I promise that I will wash them when needed. With these mythical perfect jeans, three squats and they’ll fit perfectly even if I had to dry them on high heat.
You exist, perfect jeans! You might be hiding out like the Loch Ness Monster, but I believe you are out there. At least once a week, I open up my web browser and stalk you. Sometimes I get so close, but you always seem to get away. But that’s not stopping me. No, it just makes me more determined the find you, buy you and wear you until you literally dry rot off my body. This might take some time, but that’s OK. You are worth it.
See you soon,
[Photo by: graphicleftovers.com]
Kids Craft Ideas
As summer lingers, here are some easy craft ideas to occupy your children indoors for a hour or two. Together, you can create some masterpieces and fun memories that will last a lifetime. o.Remember to cover your table or work surface with old newspaper. This makes for easy cleanup once the project is finished.
Supplies: Rocks, tempura paint, paint brushes, decoupage solution
What kid doesn’t love rock hunting? Take a walk together one morning and have your children look for rocks of all shapes and sizes. Collect flat smooth stones, as well as jagged, sharp rocks.
Once you get home, give your children an assortment of tempera paints and paint brushes and let them kids have fun painting the rocks to their hearts content. Once the paint is dry, use your rock creations to decorate your garden or household plants.
Decorative Picture Frames
Supplies: unpainted wooden picture frame, tempera paint, foam letters, decoupage solution, paint brush
Turn a simple picture frame into a work of art that will hold precious memories.
Carefully remove the pane of glass from the frame. Using your favorite sheet of piece of scrapbook paper, outline the outside and inside of the frame. Cut out with scissors and carefully glue the colored paper to the outside of the frame.
Once dry, glue various buttons, foam letters, dried pasta or seashells around the outside. Let your child use their imagination to create a special look. Seal the decorated frame with a decoupage solution. Wait until fully dry, then carefully insert your favorite picture and enjoy.
Miniature Clay Critters
Supplies: Oven-bake clay (various colors)
Older kids will love the endless possibilities that can be created with colored modeling clay. If the clay seems hard, don’t worry, it will loosen up quickly with the heat of your hands.
To get started, condition the clay by kneading it in your hands until it’s warm and pliable. Encourage your kids use their imaginations to create miniature flowers, dinosaurs, aliens or other critters. (Use a toothpick to draw patterns in the clay.)
Once your sculptures are finished, it’s time to cure them. Bake your critter in a preheated oven at 275 degrees for 15-20 minutes. Let cool completely before handling. Once you’ve baked your sculpture, you can do more wonderful things to it. You can paint it using oils or acrylics. You can glue on hair, feathers, fur, jewels or fabric. Be creative!
50 Summer Activities for Kids
Summer may be a time to relax, but tell that to your kids when they are bouncing off the walls or flopped over the sofa because they’re bored. Here is a list of 50 Summer Activities to keep your kids entertained, active and out of trouble. See how many you can cross out before Labor Day.
- Go wading at Flat Rock Park (Columbus), Flat Shoals Creek (West Point), or along the Pine Mountain Trail
- Watch a movie
- Blow bubbles
- Play tag, hopscotch, or one of your favorite childhood games
- Make homemade popsicles
- Go horseback riding at Roosevelt Stables
- Play miniature golf
- Pick berries and peaches at a farm
- Roast marshmallows over a fire and make s’mores
- Dangle your feet off a dock
- Take a walk on the Chattahoochee Riverwalk and count the turtles
- Go swimming at Callaway Gardens or the Liberty Bell Pool
- Make lemonade from scratch
- Drink a sweating glass of ice tea
- Buy fresh produce at Market on Main
- Sit on a bench at Lafayette Square and watch the fountains
- Eat an ice cream cone with rainbow sprinkles
- Play in the sprinkler
- Nap in a hammock
- Have a picnic at Dowdell Knob in FDR State Park
- Sit on a porch swing
- Go kayaking or canoeing
- Try the “big slide” at the Water Wiz
- Go zip-lining at Callaway Gardens
- Stargaze while lying on the grass
- Pick wildflowers
- Enjoy a play day at Pop’s Party Placce
- Go camping at FDR State Park
- Toss a Frisbee
- Walk barefoot in the grass
- Clean up trash at a local park
- Bake cookies
- Play with a hula hoop
- Color the sidewalk with chalk
- Play a game of Old Maid or Go Fish
- Go on a bug hunt
- Have a water balloon fight
- Plant a garden of herbs and vegetables
- Make paper boats and float them in a stream
- Build a lemonade stand
- Wash the car, bikes and scooters
- Have a backyard campout
- Make a fort out of cardboard boxes
- Stage an A to Z scavenger hunt, where you have to find something that starts with every letter.
- Go geocaching at one of Georgia’s state parks or historic sites.
- Make homemade ice cream
- Build a sandcastle
- Interview an older relative about what life was like when they were young.
- Catch fireflies in a jar, then let them go
- Have a fancy tea party
Fever in Children:
When to worry and when to relax
By Shilpa Vernekar, M.D., F.A.A.P.
Every parent can relate to that feeling of worry and even a hint of panic that come along with symptoms of illness in your child and a raised thermometer reading; anything above 98.6 ° F or whatever your child’s normal body temperature registers, can motivate many moms and dads to jump right into the car and head to the doctor. However, while your pediatrician always loves to see your family, many times that trip to the office just isn’t necessary.
At Preferred Medical Group, we strongly feel that parents should have all of the facts related to fever in children in order to make a determination about whether or not a doctor’s visit is needed. Here are a few tips about identifying fever, bringing fever down, and knowing when to call on your child’s pediatrician for backup.
What is fever?
Body temperature of more than 100.4 ° F or 38 ° C is considered to be fever.
Why does my child get fever?
Fever is a normal body response to fight against infections. Whenever the body recognizes there is an illness caused by bacteria, virus or other organisms, the body temperature raises to help fight off the infection. So, fever is a good thing for your child. It shows that the body is mounting an immune response to curb the illness.
When should I be worried?
This can depend on the age of your child. Any temperature of more than 100.4 ° F in a neonate (less than 28 day old) is concerning, and medical attention should be sought immediately. Between 1 and 3 months, it is important to have the patient checked out by a physician when body temperature rises above 100.4 ° F.
Other symptoms warrant seeking immediate medical attention in a feverish child irrespective of age, including: seizures, altered mental status, severe headache with neck stiffness, and difficulty breathing.
If the child is currently on chemotherapy, has compromised immune system, has sickle cell disease, or if the temperature is more than 105 ° F, take your child to a physician at once.
If your child is healthy, behaving his usual self and does not have any underlying disease or condition, the child can be monitored for symptoms. In the meanwhile, administer a weight-appropriate dosage of Tylenol/Motrin to help reduce the fever.
(To calculate a weight-appropriate dosage for your child, please visit our website www.preferredmedgroup.com and click on our Phenix City Children’s office. The dosage calculator at the bottom right-hand corner will allow you to input your child’s age, weight and the concentration of the medication to determine how much to safely administer.)
Tylenol is recommended if your child is less than 6 months of age.
Please know that it is normal for children to act clingy, become picky eaters or eat less than normal when they have fever. It is part of the illness and will improve as they get better. You can be reassured if the child is drinking and is acting more or less like his usual self. Severity of the illness does not correspond with the body temperature. Most viral illness can cause temperatures as high as 104 ° F.
How to measure temperature?
It is very important that body temperature should not be estimated and always should be accurately measured with a thermometer. Temperature check by touch or visual appearance such as paleness or flushed cheeks should not be used as a means to assess increased body temperature, as these are not reliable indicators of whether or not fever is present.
There are various types of devices available to measure temperature. Digital thermometers are very easy to read and are very reliable. If the child is less than 3 months, temperature is best measured rectally. After the child is more than 3 months, temperature can be measured orally or axillary.
What to do if my child’s temperature is greater than 100.4 ° F?
- Administer Tylenol or Motrin at a weight-appropriate dosing. (Again, please see the Phenix City Children’s page of our website for a dosage calculator.) Studies have shown alternating Tylenol or Motrin does not provide an additional advantage, so one can safely stick to either one of the drugs.
- Let the child eat or drink as per preference. No dietary restrictions are necessary unless advised otherwise. Just ensure that the child stays well hydrated.
- Avoid contact with other children if possible.
- Make sure the child is comfortable, dressed in light clothing and the room temperature is neither too hot nor too cold.
- If there are no symptoms as mentioned earlier that would cause immediate need for medical treatment, observe for other symptoms other than fever and overall appearance of the child—(ie his mental status, his breathing, appetite and usual behavior.). If any of the above-mentioned symptoms do appear, seek medical attention.
- If the child has no underlying medical conditions and the temperature is greater than 102 ° F for more than 2 days, please call your physician’s office.
Parents, please rest assured that fever can be a good thing while your child’s body is fighting an illness and can often be treated at home with Tylenol/Motrin. However, please keep in mind that the advice contained in this blog are general guidelines for fever in children. You and your child’s pediatrician know your child best, and if you see signs that your child needs medical attention that may not appear in this blog, please do not hesitate to call the doctor’s office. Most physicians have nurses available to speak to parents on the phone to triage your child’s symptoms and to help you determine if a visit is necessary.
Dr. Vernekar, M.D., F.A.A.P. is a board-certified pediatrician who works at Preferred Medical Group, which has locations at Phenix City Children’s and Fort Mitchell Clinic. Her special areas of interest include weight management and nutrition.
Fire up the grill and get ready for some area Fourth of July Fireworks! Here’s your 2014 guide to Independence Day fireworks shows in our area.
(If we missed any, please comment below!)
Celebrations with Fireworks
July 3, 2014
11:00am until 10:30pm ~ DOWNTOWN MANCHESTER now hosting the July 3rd Celebration previously in Warm Springs. Good Food, games, and great entertainment with a wonderful fireworks display at the end of the evening.
6:30pm ~ Celebrate Independence Day with Opelika Parks and Recreation. There will be inflatable games, hamburgers, hotdogs, popcorn, activities for the whole family and musical entertainment. The fireworks will begin at dark. Location: Opelika High School Track
July 4, 2014
10:00am until 11:00pm ~ July 4th Celebration at Pyne Road Park featuring a children’s area, live music, and the Wendy’s fireworks show, $10 per vehicle. Sponsored by Troup Co. Parks and Rec.
Robin Lake Beach opens at 7am. Activities all day. The fireworks extravaganza begins at 9:30pm. For a schedule of events, visit www.callawaygardens.com
Join us for our annual fireworks and street dance on Friday, July 4th, 5:00 til. Local talent is encouraged to perform during the evening event. Loco Rio Restaurant will sponsor our street dance with UGLY BETTY performing after the fireworks.
7pm ~ Concert. 9:15pm ~ Fireworks show at the Phenix City Amphitheater, 508 Dillingham Street, Phenix City, AL. Free admission.
7pm ~ Live music; 9pm ~ Fireworks show. Duck Samford Stadium, Auburn. The parking lot off Airport Road, between the Bo Cavin Fields and the new Duck Samford Fields, will be CLOSED to the public during the event. Rain date, July 5, 2014.
Newnan Rotary Club Fireworks at Newnan High School Drake Stadium, entertainment starts at 6:30 Fireworks at dark with a newly recorded version of the national anthem by country music star Alan Jackson. Free Admission
Celebrations without Fireworks
July 4, 2014
10am ~ Sweet Land of Liberty Parade for Youth, now in its 30th year! The route is new this year and will begin at the Carmike theater parking lot and march to the square on Main St. and return on Bull St.
11:00 a.m. – 6:00 p.m. The National Infantry Museum and Soldier Center will host its second annual community-wide Independence Day celebration. At 2pm, there will be an old-fashioned patriotic parade where youngsters are invited to dress up their bicycles, tricycles and wagons – or themselves! – and parade down Heritage Walk. MCoE Rock Band concert at Noon. Live music, IMAX movies, Food vendors, and more.
Friday-Sunday – 10:00 a.m. – 4:00 p.m. from Jul 4, 2014 until Jul 6, 2014 Celebrate the Fourth of July weekend with games, a watermelon eating contest, and educational boat tours on Lake Walter F. George.
10am ~ Ground Breaking Ceremony for the new Creek Indian Village that will be constructed at Frontier Village. 4th of July Parade. Musical festival, food, vendors, and more.
What to do when your child/teenager won’t talk to you, and when to seek help: a Child Psychologist’s Perspective
By Michelle DeRamus, Ph.D.
As children get older and move into the teen years, it is natural for them to want to spend more time with their friends and open up to them more than to their parents. However, it is remains very important for parents to be involved in their teens’ lives and continue to set boundaries. Studies show that even as teens, children still value their parents’ input above anyone else’s.
What to do when your teen won’t talk to you
Some ideas for fostering communication between parents and children at any age include modeling good communication skills for your kids, making time for open communication as a part of your regular routine, and having more positive than negative interactions.
1. Model good communication skills
To model good communication skills, tell your children about your day, including information that is age-appropriate. When they talk to you, give them your undivided attention to foster better listening skills in them.
2. Make time for communication
Try to eat at least one meal a day together as a family, with a no electronics rule during the meal to encourage open communication. Some families have “conversation starter cards” or routine questions that they all ask one another to make sure everyone gets a chance to share their ideas or experiences.
If you find that your family is very busy and you’re struggling to find a time that you can be together, schedule “appointments” with each other regularly and treat them as seriously as doctors’ visits or work meetings.
3. Focus on positive interactions
Throughout your day-to-day activities, be sure to look for ways to have positive interactions with your children. It will be more fun for both of you, and you each will feel more like communicating if you’re not always fussing at one another. A good ratio to strive for is 5 positive comments for every 1 negative comment you make.
4. Recognize the symptoms of teen depression
However, sometimes a teenager will withdraw well beyond the range of “normal,” and parents can be doing all of this and more and still not seem to reach their teen. In these circumstances, your teenager could be suffering from depression and/or anxiety. Recognizing when a child or teen is depressed or anxious can be difficult because the symptoms are subtle, and all people experience sadness and worry at times. It can be normal for children, just like adults, to feel sad in response to difficult circumstances, even for a few days at a time.
Major depression, however, includes symptoms that are persistent over time. In children, symptoms of depression can include:
- Feelings of sadness
- Increased irritability
- Thoughts about suicide
- Preoccupation with death or dying
- Decreasing grades
- Increasing physical symptoms (e.g. stomachaches, headaches)
- Withdrawal from family and friends
- Loss of interest in things they used to enjoy
5. Recognize the symptoms of anxiety
There are a variety of anxiety disorders, and the symptoms of specific anxiety disorders can vary widely. However, in general, children with clinically significant levels of anxiety often worry about performing well in school, the health or safety of family members or themselves, environmental factors (e.g., the weather), and the future. This worry can, just like depression, affect social relationships, lead to a drop in grades, and cause physical aches and pains.
Know When to Seek Help
If your child or teen is suffering from depression or an anxiety disorder, it is important to understand that he or she cannot just “snap out of it” or “stop worrying.” While it can be frustrating, one of the best things to do as a parent is to try to be patient, understanding, and supportive. Listen to what your child has to say, even if it doesn’t make sense to you. Try to help your child see things from a different perspective, but take care to avoid telling your child he or she is “wrong” for feeling the way he or she does. If your child seems to be getting worse instead of better, or you’re not sure how to help your child, seek professional help from a therapist or physician.
Without treatment, depression and anxiety in young people can have long-term harmful effects on the child’s development in a variety of ways. Therefore, it is important for adults to recognize the symptoms of depression and anxiety and act quickly to get treatment for children or teens with these conditions. Research studies have shown that both therapy and medication can be helpful in treating anxiety and depression. Some families prefer one treatment approach over another, while other families find a combined approach to be most useful.
Here are two examples of patients I have worked with in psychotherapy who improved over time with treatment. (Names have been changed.)
Joe’s Story (Anxiety)
“Joe” and his mother had always been very close, and his mother knew Joe tended to worry about things a little more than other kids his age. However, as a little boy, he still played with friends and made the transition to school pretty well. As he went on through elementary school, his mother noticed that Joe started turning down invitations to birthday parties and sleepovers, saying he’d rather just stay home and hang out with her. He became more irritable, and at times, even angry, when she pushed him to do things apart from her.
When he started therapy, Joe said that he often worried that something bad was going to happen to his mom. He was afraid she might get in a car wreck, get sick, or that someone might break into their house and hurt her. He felt safer when he was with her and could “watch out” for her.
In therapy, we identified the situations that made him least scared of being away from his mom (e.g., her walking to the mailbox without him) and the situations that made him most scared of being away from his mom (e.g., going to a sleepover). After learning some coping skills to help him relax when he started to get scared and think more realistically about the likelihood of something happening to his mother, Joe gradually started practicing being away from his mother for short, then longer, periods of time.
By the end of therapy, he was able to spend the night with friends without calling his mother to come get him. While he still sometimes worries about his mom, he was able to relax and not let the anxiety keep him from doing the things he really wanted to do.
Sally’s Story (Depression)
When “Sally” turned 14, her parents noticed that she was spending more time in her room and less time with the family. She said she still had friends, but her parents didn’t hear her talking about them much, and she no longer asked to go do things with them. Her grades started dropping, and Sally, who was once an A/B student, was failing a couple of her classes. Her appetite decreased, and she seemed tired all the time. She also started complaining of headaches, and she spent much of her time lying in bed to rest. When her parents asked if anything was wrong, Sally just said she was tired and wanted to be left alone.
In therapy, Sally revealed that she felt overwhelmed by her schoolwork and worried that she was not as smart as her friends. She believed she was stupid and that she was going to feel this way forever. Over time, Sally learned that she often interpreted situations in a negative way and assumed that the worst was going to happen.
Once she identified these negative thought patterns, she was able to remind herself that there is usually more than one way to view a situation. She practiced coming up with multiple solutions to her problems and developed a list of several things she could do to help herself feel better when she was upset. Sally’s depression became less intense and she felt sad less often. She began participating in the things she used to enjoy, and her grades improved.
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, depression affects about 11% of young people, and anxiety affects about 8% of young people. The rates of both depression and anxiety are similar in boys and girls as children, but in the teenage years, girls are more likely than boys to experience symptoms of each. There are also differences in the prevalence across ages, with depression and anxiety occurring more frequently in older adolescents.
Left untreated, children and adolescents with depression and anxiety are at higher risk for low self-esteem, substance abuse, suicide, mental health issues in adulthood, and physical conditions such as heart disease and diabetes as adults. However, many children and teens who get appropriate treatment in the early stages of depression and anxiety can significantly reduce their risk of these long-term effects.
Talk to your child’s doctor
If you suspect your child may have depression or anxiety, it is important to talk to your child’s doctor so that he or she can get treatment. More information about depression and anxiety in children and teens can be found on the websites for the National Institute of Mental Health (www.nimh.nih.gov) and the National Alliance on Mental Illness (www.nami.org).
Dr. DeRamus works at Preferred Medical Group’s at Phenix City Children’s office. She has a special area of interest in Autism Spectrum Disorder.
Summer Reading List for Moms
By Rachel Hoeing with Triad Moms on Main
Who’s ready to dive into a great book this summer? We’ve asked local moms for their top picks for summer reads and have come up with a terrific list for 2014. Feel free to share this list and also add some of your own recommendations in the comment section.
For each book that was suggested, I asked the mom if she would classify it as a deep read (think intellectual, emotional, or difficult to digest), a light read (think lighter subject matter, quick reading etc.) or somewhere in the middle. Classifying these books can be very subjective, and I even had one book that was recommended for three different categories by three different people! Therefore, don’t take it too “literally,” just think of it as somewhat of a guideline, depending on what type of book you might be in the mood to read.
Dive right in …
~ What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty
~ The Book Thief by Markus Zusak
~ Me Before You by JoJo Moyes
~ The Invention of Wings by Sue Monk Kidd
~ Still Alice by Lisa Genova
~ Sugar by Bernice McFadden
~ Tell The Wolves I’m Home by Carol Rifka Brunt
~ The Husband’s Secret by Liane Moriarty
~ The Lost Husband by Katherine Center
~ A Land More Kind than Home by Wiley Cash
~ The Year of My Miraculous Reappearance by Catherine Ryan Hyde
~ The Dry Grass Of August by Anna Jean Mayhew
~ 12 Years a Slave by Solomon Northup
~ Lookaway, Lookaway by Wilton Barnhardt
~ Orphan Train by Christina Baker Kline
~ The Snow Child by Eowyn Ivey
~ The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry by Rachel Joyce
~ House of Sand and Fog by Andre Dubus III
~ The Story of Beautiful Girl by Rachel Simon
~ The Kitchen House by Kathleen Grissom
~ Where’d You Go Bernadette by Maria Semple
~ The House on Tradd Street, The Girl on Legare Street, The Strangers on Montagu Street, and Return to Tradd Street - all by Karen White
~ The House at Riverton, The Shifting Fog, The Forgotten Garden, The Distant Hours andThe Secret Keeper - all by Kate Morton
~ Ladies Night by Mary Kay Andrews
~ Hissy Fit by Mary Kay Andrews
~ Bossypants by Tina Fey
~ The Rosie Project by Graeme Simsion
~ Any of the books by Janet Evanovich
~ Any of the books by Harlan Coben
Reads That Are Somewhere In The Middle
~ Carry On Warrior: Thoughts on Life Unarmed by Glennon Doyle Melton
~ Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts On Faith by Anne Lamott
~ Glitter and Glue by Kelly Corrigan
~ A Dog’s Purpose and A Dog’s Journey by W. Bruce Cameron (for dog lovers!)
~ I Remember Nothing: And Other Reflections By Nora Ephron
~ The Passage by Justin Cronin
~ Last Days of Summer by Steve Kluger
~ The Fault in Our Stars by John Green
~ The Divergent Trilogy by Veronica Roth
~ Serena by Ron Rash
~ Defending Jacob by William Landay
~ Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn
~ Wild by Cheryl Strayed
~ The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett
Rachel Hoeing is the Co-Founder of Triad Moms on Main, an online magazine, serving Winston, High Point & Greensboro, NC. It’s filled with daily articles that range from “fun and free” to informational. This post was originally published on TriadMomsonMain.com. Reprinted with permission.
Next Page »